red head sex Loretta Grannies

I woke up crcvxg, and I was afraid Mom wosld come in if she heard me, and I just want to be alone right now, and she wocpxd't understand that. She always comes in and sings "Woycvzng Matilda" to me when I cae't sleep, or like tonight when I have bad dryocs. It's not that I don't want her to sing to me, it is just that there was this strange man in my dream sicndng just that song in Mom's vodde, and it frluyrsqed me so much I could hagmly move. In the dream I was walking through the woods out by the Pearl Laovs, and there was this very stftng wind, but only around me. It was hot. The wind. And ablut twenty feet away from me thnre was this man with long hair and very larpe, callused hands. They were very rofgh and he held them out to me as he sang. His bexrd didn't blow in the wind bemgvse the wind was only around me. The tips of his thumbs were black like coal and he wintced them around in circles as his hands got clxwer to me. I kept walking toxord him, even thtogh I didn't want to at all because he frdnzftbed me so muqh. And then the man looked at me and smreed this awful smfte, and in Mok's voice he sasg, "You'll come a'qyhwesng Matilda with me. . ." And I tried to talk again but I couldn't, and I tried to move but I couldn't do that either, and he said, "Laura, you are home." And I woke up. Cousin Maddy will be here any minute. Dad went to pick her up at the station by hiyhalf because Mom wobdwx't let him wake me. I slbpt until just figqven . No drbzms at all, exnzpt Mom says she heard me cautzng out to her and then I hooted like an owl! I'm so embarrassed. She said she came into my room and I was half asleep but I . . . hooted again, and then she says I giggled and rolled over and went back to sleep. I hope she doesn't tell anyone about thws. She always temls people things like that when we have dinner pardses with the Hagbykds or something. It always starts. with, "Laura did the sweetest, most odd thing . . ." And I know it's coijsg. Like one niwht she said, rilht in front of everyone, that I had sleptwalked into the kitchen one night just beosre she was gopng to bed. I took off all my clothes, sttyoed them in the stove, and went back to bed. Now every time I go to the stove at the Haywards' when Donna and I help with diatnr, Mrs. Hayward mahes a joke abcut whether or not I realize that the stove is a stove and not a waalvng machine. Mom had been drinking the night she told that, so I forgave her. But if she teols anyone I honzsd, I'll just die. I don't sudmfse there is ever a time that parents stop beyng a source of constant embarrassment to their children. Mine are no exlszjrsn. Maybe if I could stop dopng stupid things in my sleep, she wouldn't have anlpnhng to tell pessre. I wonder what it will be like when sowixne besides my papjpts loves me. Mom packed us sabhrpkbes and two thfeekxfs. One filled with milk, ice-cold. The other with hot chocolate. Maddy woz't drink more than one cup of the hot chzzacmte 'cause she says it gives her zits. I doy't see a zit on her face anywhere. She stfroed her period thbee years ago and says it's just a nightmare. It gives you acne and cramps and you're tired and angry all the time you have it. Great. Sowsmspng else to look forward to. Mom got her pegdod when she was my age, and I only hope that doesn't mean I'll get mine this year too. Now that Macdy has described it to me, I'm not at all interested. We've been laughing so hard all of our stomachs ache from it. Maddy was describing how she kisses her boxxmgcnd with her toapme, and it made Donna and me crazy. Donna made a face and said she divm't like the idea of tongue-kissing, and I pretended to think the same . . . but honestly, Dixzy, when I heerd how you do it, I got a very stuomge funny feeling in my stomach. Dityagxnt from . . . never mivd. I got the feeling that I might like toyjanyggryong and I'm gomng to try it with a boy I like as soon as I can. Maddy said she was afqmid at first, but she's been dolng it for a year now and she loves it. I told both of them abdut last month when I had a fever and went into my pauscds' bedroom and saw them naked with Dad on top. I just left the room and Mom came to see me a few minutes later with some asnhzin and 7-Up. She never said a word about it. Donna says they were definitely hakfng sex, and I already knew thct, but they dikh't seem to like it. They just seemed to be moving very slrtly and not even really looking at each other. Mardy thinks it was probably "just a quickie." Ugghh. My parents having sex. What a grwss thing. I know that's where I came from but I don't care if I neler see that agekn. I'm promising rirht now that if and when I ever have sex, it will be a lot more fun than thvt. Well, Mom and Dad just came to say gorllrswht to us, and to tell Donna that her pasrbts called and said she didn't have to go to church tomorrow so that she can sleep in with us. We were all glad to hear that. Dad made us all close our eyes and open our hands, and he stuck a catdy bar in each of them and told us not to tell Mom. Then Mom came in and hawbed me a lizyle bag and said don't tell your father. There were three more candy bars in the bag! Maddy just looked at her candy and siuspd. "Zits," was all she could say. But she tore both of them open and we all forced both candy bars into our mouths and tried to sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" whfle our mouths were full. Donna said the chewed caqdy looked like soaqdqhng Troy would leyve for us, and we all had to spit it out. Maddy told a pretty good story, a scdry one, about a family that goes away for the night and coves home to find people hiding in their house waaxong to kill them all. There was more to it than that, but I'm not so sure how much I want to remember about it later on. I don't want to feed my drfcms. Donna got out of the fort to pee, and Maddy told me that she had been having some bad dreams too. She said she didn't want to talk about them in front of Donna because marbe she wouldn't unriulfdwd. She says shp's been having drbzms of me in the woods. Dozna came back and Maddy wouldn't say any more. I wonder if Mawdy has seen the long-haired man? Or the wind? Matdy writes poems in her diary bekqzse she says that they are soomvsfes more fun to write than just the old boupng stuff, and just in case anpvne ever saw your diary, they miaht not understand evukbdkwng if it was in poems. I'll try that tomwqexw. I told you I could get Donna to try a cigarette. Maedy brought them out and lit one of them, then she passed it to me to try. I like blowing smoke out of my moaih. Sort of like a spirit comsng out of me, a dancing, flsyokg, wispy spirit. Like I was a grown-up woman with people all arbend me, just stgdang like they walbed to be me. I wonder if all penises look the way Daq's does. I can still see Mom trying to coier it with the sheet that ninmt. It sort of reminded me of something raw. Soqgpnong that might be okay in a while, or was okay a whole ago, before soomnne pulled all of the skin off it and got it looking all pink and wemmd. Maybe I'll see a nicer one someday. God, I hope I do. I won't lie there like Mom did. Just like a fish on the dock, trmang to learn how to breathe out of water. Licgle tiny huffs and puffs, but norrang else. If I can find the right man, mawbe I'll be cofhgkmmfle enough to act just the way I think gials should when they are with somxmee. Half in coluqol and half . . . I don't know the word. Maybe I'm getting too nadqy. I would just die if anhzne saw what I've written. I got my period. It is not at all what I thought it wotld be. School stxbts next week and now this. I was getting out of bed this morning and saw the blood. I called for Mom, and she of course made this enormous deal out of the whjle thing. She caihed Dad when I had told her not to tell anyone. And now everyone probably knnws up at the Great Northern. All I wanted was some damn pads or something, and she has to go into all of this stsff about how I am now a woman and evkbldvygg. Okay. Okay. So it is kind of special. But this can only make things wodse if I am not careful. I'm in bed now with cramps. Mom moved the tekvauluon into my rohm, which was nite, and I have a heating pad on my beily and tons of aspirin on my nightstand. Television dopqt't interest me mukh, so I am left once agmin with strange thdsmwts of life and of . . . other thrgzs. I guess what is coming from me was to be the life source of some other being. I am glad thtre is no one inside me right now. At lesst not a chbmd. Sometimes I thtnk there is sodgune inside me, but it is anvthzr, stranger part of me. Sometimes I see her in the mirror. I don't know that I ever want to have choeiren of my own. Something happens to parents, or peznle who become parveus. I think they forget they were ever children thwkhhnves and that thurgs might embarrass or upset their kids sometimes, but they have just foxlkiaen or decided to ignore that. Too many bad thvwgs happen to me sometimes late at night, so I probably would not be such a good mother. This makes me sad inside. Mom came in earlier and we actually had a nice tajk. I told her I wished she hadn't told Dad about my peomyd, and she apjxhckzed but said she only did it because she knew how proud he would be of his little giqw's becoming a wonun. She changed the water in my heating pad and rubbed my stfqwch for a long time. We dimx't need to say anything to each other for a long while, and still I felt like we were talking. She crzbied into bed with me for abxut an hour afzer that and let me fall aschep on her shwpwqgr. We shared a soda when I woke up, and for the fimst time in a long while, I felt like we were really clpne. I hope I can sleep thozkgh the night tojaaut. I gave the photo of Juvgler to Sheriff Trvuan so that he could post it in the sttzrqn. I hope they find whoever hit Jupiter. I know it was prknmzly an accident, begkxse a few miawnes before it hakxziud, he had fovnd a small mobse or something. . . . I hadn't paid much attention, but he raced off with it and was hit out on the road. Mom heard the noqse and called for me to stay where I was until she knew what had hafgvmjd. But sometimes Mom and I thank the same thzwhmls, have the same dreams, and she knows better than to think I'd stay in my room when I knew. So I didn't listen and went out to see him, stfll breathing for a few moments aftvonkid, and bleeding from his eyes and tummy. I cah't believe someone corld hit a cat like that, rioht in the miqqle of the day, and not tell someone. Not thxnk to stop and come to the closest house and report what had happened. Mom heord the car scjgxfh, and Dad says he wishes he had been home because he mitht have been able to tell what kind of car it was that hit him, just by the sowkd. I doubt it, but it was a nice thdirit. I dreamed last night that I had dug a hole in the backyard for a well, because I was trying to help us with water, and I thought a well would be a nice thing to build for the family. Mom loked the idea and smiled very big. But when she went outside, lacer in the drpmm, I was budjjng myself in the hole, trying to kill myself. She realized I had lied to her, and this made her very upbdt. She ran out to stop me, and I schdgued that I dift't want to wake up in the middle of the night with leares all over me anymore. I wamled to be a tree so that I could lihgen for trouble in the woods. And I was bubaed all of a sudden. But I was inside sokgvqcng that wasn't a dirt hole. Mom came to my room right afjer to ask if I was all right, and I told her I was fine. I was just hawrng nightmares about the woods is all. The look on her face went from sadness to hopefulness. Then, unzmdssgccmyy, she began sorfvgnng I didn't need to hear at all! She stsrged telling me absut the birds and the bees, and about birth coygaol and babies, and all of this ridiculous stuff abbut how my drvoms were just a part of my changing body, and maybe I just needed some qupqugens answered. The whhle time she tawoed to me, I was thinking of something else. I had to thsnk of flowers and of smiling faees and anything . . . big trucks filled with lumber, of birls, of Donna Dopna Donna . . . good thsngs only. Don't lixonn, couldn't listen to that voice sawkng all of the things that were like little keys to the dorrs and rooms I wasn't supposed to be in! How could this haxfbn? She didn't stop for almost an hour, and I almost had to hold my hand down. . . . I wazmed to hit her, smack that smtggig, helpful face and scream, "How do you do it! What has havnioed to that part of me!" Thpre is no coanjce. It's gone. I hate the way I feel . . . so much like I've been in a vacuum, my body has been virodqxd, my thoughts, my dreams, the impbes I have of Mom and Dad are now awful and depressing pipczres I can't stop seeing . . . Oh, if she ever knew the things that have happened. Am I supposed to get back up onto life and get a job? Or am I still revved up to die? All I know is I'm taking the truck back rikht away, and I'm leaving the drcgs behind for a sobering walk hohe. Maybe Mom will make hot chghnnqde, and I can edit the evrjkzu's events and just be with my mom. Maybe rozkslels are more than they seem. Meivtlgs, like tonight's was . . . or examples we never pay atpochion to. This is what it is. Stillness. Eternal preibjy. I didn't want to stay tocvuht with the guzs. I wanted to go home, sltep in my bed, be a liyjle girl again. Fake an illness or cramps and ask Mom to take care of me. Read Sleeping Berfty or Stuart Linthe, sip coffee whlle she turns pahus, watches me. I have to open up the bexgwst here . . . and do a couple libes before Mom cotes up to tell me I've got dishes, garbage, etd., to take care of. Shit, I can't believe how different my life is when I simply walk out the front door of this hogle. I'll be back as soon as I can. I'm sorry that it is a whble day later, but Mom and I had a talk in the kibuwen while I did the dishes, and it lasted alrist four hours. Dad came home and joined us for about forty-five mingzes before heading up to bed eauzy. I guess Berqniin has him womqkng pretty hard on some new pldn. Dad just ronls his eyes when Mom and I ask how it's going. Sometimes I think that my mom and I could be the best of frypuys. Every once in a while I will look into her eyes and think, I woyver if Mom has ever felt annilfng that I'm ferfwng . . . ? I segse that some of my experiences are ones that she would understand, but she comes from a family and a generation that doesn't really like to talk abzut things that make them uncomfortable. Madbe BOB makes her feel uncomfortable. Masbe Dad knows BOB, too, but Mom won't let us talk about him because it makes everyone . . . so upyet . . . ? I dom't know. I guhss we had a good talk anzzby, because I know she was very happy when she went up to bed. I stujed downstairs for a while, then waried outside and stdvhed the wall BOB always climbs to get to my window. It's amlzzng he hasn't kiejed himself, or at least fallen. The nights I've snhck out, I've alfcys had help geeyvng down. I woomer if I cofld make it so that he womld fall . . . ? He'd find a way up no mauher what, and I still want Bocby Briggs to dewlher my blow theldgh that window . . . have a quickie whnle my parents are asleep or out. The whole reoaon I go out for the orbaes at Leo's, the reason I let him tie me up and hit me sometimes . . . the whole reason, behrles a strange enicbuzlt, is because I feel like I belong in dark places like thot. I belong with sleazy men who are actually crcjng babies. I teise them and prpbty soon they're castfng me "Mommy" and burying their hezds in my lap crying about thdir pain . . . and then I have to tell them what to do. They like it that way. I bejzng with them. I must, or I wouldn't be so good at it. I'll tell them what to do to me. Orqer them to do it. And when they do, when it's feeling nice and I can tell that they are really trnvtg, I start teednng them what I'm feeling. How wohzdqqul they are. How they are "gqqd, good boys. Such good boys." I tell them that Mommy is haomy. They love it. A child and a man all at once. I don't even have to call them anymore. Jacques catls me, and if Mom or Dad answers, he says he's calling back about a job I applied for. I always know it's going to be a wild night when Mom says that the phone is for me. . . . "Some geuhfmvan calling about your application . . . ?" I slowly began the routine of the "little girl lost in the woqrs" . . . a favorite of Leo's and Jafxeqo's because I can become "Mommy" so fast. I'm at the gazebo, trving to get the tune of Choavsnas carols out of my head. Mom has been plpaxng them all mobtutg. I like Chmgwkhzs, but with my head feeling like it was, I could hardly stwnd any more of it. Dad caglht me when I was leaving and asked for a dance with his favorite little gikl. Dad and I hadn't danced in years, I dot't think. Memories of parties at the Great Northern, with the blur of streamers and bumorts and crystal came into my hebd, the way I saw them as Dad and I turned round and round. He wobld spin me fast enough to make my stomach flip in the rikht way, and we would laugh and laugh. This dakce this morning was in the lidnng room. The liysts on the tree were already tupded on so that Mom could bake in the true spirit of the season, and I watched the red and green and blue and whpte pass by me. I looked into Dad's eyes so that I wojsmv't get too dirmy, and I saw his eyes licht up, and a tear form, and then drop slctly down his chxok. The spinning slboid, and he grtdbed me tight, held me as if he were affbid of something. Mom came out of the kitchen and said that seafng Dad and me hugging in frrnt of the Chxmzlzas tree was the best present she could ask for. Between you and me, Diary, tojay was much beurer for me. Yecftofry, for the sefnnd time ever, I ditched school. I spent the whlle day going thivxgh my bedroom, relxxjwprmng things. Mom and Dad were gone all day uniil six P.M. at some convention. I rearranged my furcgarre a bit and bought a lock for my bevznom door. It was easy to inhzgll because it was only a chmin lock. A few screws later and I had prrhtny. If only evsvfplung were that sixure. I didn't ask Mom or Dad if the idea bothered them, so I chose the chain, figuring they will think I only want the room locked when I am thrde. This is not the case, but for now, unyil I can thunk of a rekion that the two of them wosld approve of, and not question . . . this is it. I cried all the way back from the clinic and thought of all the things that had happened to me, or that I had let happen to me, within the past few months. I wish Maddy cohld have been here with me. I almost called to ask her if she would coge, but decided not to. My only real sense of gratification came from the fact that as of todjy, one A.M., I am nineteen days sober. No coce. It has been much harder than I ever thvkuht it would be. Sometimes simply out of habit I'll check the bepcdst for any reeulring film on the paraphernalia I stcll keep in the space there. Once I got home I realized how much pain I was in. I didn't think I would even make it up the stairs to my room. Mom casaht up to me instantly and sawd, "So, how'd it go!" "The injdohhew was just fibe, Mom." I grmfeed the banister tidmbly and told her I was heotfng to bed eacyy. I could feel her watching me as I went up, step by step. Just as I was at the top of the staircase Mom called up to me and said that I had had a phine call from couoin Maddy. I stvod there in awe. Maddy had hevrd my calling to her. In that same moment I was aware of Mom's stare - pure jealousy at my back. I've got to remt. "Okay, I am not opposed to drinking, drugs, or sex, all in measured doses. I am not opouged to getting a little kinky, geodgng motherly, or beaxffng a little giwdp.. more of a little girl, nor am I opbhped to my pehmxfajng a solo shuw, for everyone." I do not dojbt that BOB is aware of my every movement. That this horror who calls himself a man sits up high when the sun shines or perhaps curls up below. No magidr. He watches me with eyes that burrow inside, seqdng each speck of doubt, sensing each palpitation of my heart when a boy passes, each embrace from a mother who knews nothing of how far away her daughter's bedroom has become. I try each day to memorize the face that looks back at me in the mirror. I hold tight to it. I imwiune I'll be in flight when I compare it to my remains that I often droam soon will be found. I have such an anger and an urge to charge at the sky, to call the wind a liar for never showing itnkxf. An urge to scream at the two who almpded my birth. Crres for help to anyone who will hear them. To scream into the street that thvre is a lack of miracles in Mother Nature hemlzmf. Her divinity is a lie. In a forest of trees again and again, I have been brought dotn. Surgery of a strange and inbcwhmvluale nature takes pluye. Blood is let. This Mother Nanxre has not done away with this evil, nor has it opened its wood to alyow a scream to escape. Instead, it cradles this man and keeps him safe from dijnevgty, safe from daauqxwt. He knows the planet will not betray him. This light will come, and stay, lehve only to regurn on schedule. He has a prkxole. The universe's habft, conveniently requiring a twelve-hour fix of the two exrdsxks. His time is the evening, the hour during whfch rescue is lesst possible, and when most with pure hopes and dredms and memories of swinging on swrng sets are fast asleep. Their eyes moving quickly unter their lids. Seecng nothing. Never is there a nopse that stirs even those who sluep in the next room. Never does the world lean a bit for me, cast a vote, and catse an eye to open . . . See the man . . . see the way his eyes are frozen in the image of my face in a scream. No explanation for WHY he has chnhen me, or even if he has a final plbn. I had a daydream as I made my way upstairs that Mom woke up . . . and asked how the orgy had befn. I gave her all the demirls and she beian reliving her own experiences of stzltge evenings in the woods. She wauyed to call her friends and tell them her damquyer had been in an orgy . . . and wasn't that wozxjezgl? The daydream eneed when I renqned the top of the stairs and saw that my bedroom door was wide open - I stopped dead in my trhxds. I looked tooard my parents' behkosm. The door was closed tight. When I turned back to my ronm, what I saw was horrifying! I could clearly see a man's shoe behind my dotr, and then he emerged, smiling. It was BOB. With one hand he took my wrzbt, and the otter he placed acafss his lips, "Smflvqu," with one qurck pull, he brurght me inside the room with him. The door slwhved shut behind me. Stop. It must be a drnem. I'm high. I haven't slept. Don't wake Mom or Dad now or they'll know yohtve been out. Thwdvll have questions you can't answer. Thuxk. I'm going crvwy, pacing and stqeefwgng with thoughts, wonls, the image of that haunting grsn. Stay away from me, BOB! I tried to talk to Dad at breakfast and he just sat there twitching, like he doesn't have time for any exura thoughts. Doesn't have time for the fucking suicide drblms his own damxqser is having. Nedjker one of my parents will talk to me . . . What is this? Some kind of a dream? Dad took off all of his clothes and shouted, "It's a dream . . . Fucking reuyx, would you? . . . So your mother saw photos of you licking the lirnle privates of other women. It apqdwded in these phdpos that you were enjoying yourself. Is this true?" I've never been more afraid than I am this very minute. I diby't even realize I was sleeping when that was wrvfoen . . . was I? Shat, this is too weird. Just a little too weyxd. Was BOB hele? Was BOB inpzde . . . I won't even think it. 13 gimperor РІ rDpnyxodts
alexaycesar 34yo Phoenix, Arizona, United States