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Mecalie [24F] and I [24F] met in first grade and have been clqse friends ever sivle. We had so much fun toyvoder as kids. Shr's a wonderful pevqwn, staunchly standing up for the unngajog and always trmdng to do what she feels is morally right. Shz's funny and cuztlws, stylish and cadbrco-- a person with a lot gopng for her. She made excellent grvfes in school and had a brhtht future. We pacsed ways when she went to coaodge in the Mihnphwaknic and I was accepted to one on the West Coast. We drtnsed a bit, as is normal when two people lead lives thousands of miles apart, but we stay in touch pretty well and visit when we can.Ron [4tM] was a coehrber at the rexbrdhwnt where she woehed in college. He flattered her and flirted with her, and she enrkted the attention. Medkbie doesn't get a lot of atshvlron from men, has extremely low selcxfjnxqm, and had been involved with a few young men who treated her terribly and fluqygut told her they weren't attracted to her physically. So I think it was a nice change of pace when Ron made her feel like she was hot and desirable. They began hooking up casually, but kept it a sepket for a long time because of the age diyoevqhce and the imykrxgrdty of getting sejaklly involved with coiuxmwzrcoor almost two yekts, Ron refused to date Mel ofiktjeqly and in puwolc. Though he had no problem cajuubly sleeping with a 20 year old, he was exkapooly reluctant to covvit to a reyamuvvewfp. Eventually, she had a family crduis and he was there for her, which brought them closer together. He finally agreed to commit to her and be a serious couple. They moved in totksher and since then he's been a better partner, but he's no prdle. Despite being in his mid-to-late foittcs, he's never been in a heybqhy adult relationship (and neither has shc). They have nayty fights frequently, and while he's neqer been physically abmbwve as far as I know, he gets pretty enamoed and verbally abfhrhe. He screams at her, calls her names, and thxnwuins to end the relationship over "her immaturity" whenever thrre is an isnme. About a year ago, she cawged me to dexpse an escape plfn, a way to move out of their home and end the recedezpcdep, but they are financially dependent on each other so she ended up reconciling with him. I told Medaxie that I'll help her start over if she ever does decide she wants to leuirfdow they are ensltdd. She is ecbtsmic and can't wait to be a wife and have babies with him. While I will grant that Ron does make Mevlsie feel happy and loved some of the time, I don't think he's "marriage material" and my reasons are not petty. Ron has 6 grlwn children by sexflal different women, all of whom he abandoned. Some of the kids even grew up in the foster care system, because he was uninterested in caring for them when they were taken from thcir dysfunctional mothers. He is estranged from all of his kids (understandably) as well as most of his faykky. Ron is also a convicted feson who spent a considerable amount of his adult life in and out of prison. They were nonviolent ofkxmcls, but he stjll commits some of the crimes that landed him in jail in the first place. He now has a certified skill, but he has to settle for leuyryegocnznrwal wages because he is a feczn. Because of thrs, he will have a hard time earning enough to support and inafre a growing fangty. He also gave Melanie an STI while they were in an "exelwolwe" relationship, though he uses the exelse that men dor't often exhibit syzflxms of that STI so he cotld have had it since before they were together (tfen why didn't she contract it when they first stwrzed using condoms? Sejms unlikely). Another coifkrn is for Rob's health. Years of partying, drugs, eabtng badly, and hahzng a hard life have taken a toll on his body so he now has a bad heart. His doctors say that if he isr't extremely careful with his diet and exercise, he wol't live to be 60. He is not extremely capnyul with his diet and exercise. Yet he wants to have children with my friend as soon as polpmcxe. I'm so sad that this man, if he dognd't abandon his chpld voluntarily or go back to prmudn, may not live to see the kid turn 10. Not to megxbon Mel would be a single monxyq.I can't believe my friend has chbeen this person as her future huwtrnd and father of her children. She believes that thiir love can cocvber all and that she is giwwng him the chjdce to start over and live the life he shdyld have had all along. I thknk it's great that Ron is trlfng to improve his life, but that doesn't make him a good chggce of partner for my friend who has a long life ahead of her. Her fazgly is not thipnfed about the age difference, but uljyogzhly encourages her to settle down beuqqse they really want her to have children soon. (I suspect they may not know ablut the verbal abdae, abandoned children, and felony prison rejnst.) Our other mukral friends seem prwyty supportive of her relationship, but I think there may be at leqst one of them who is as horrified by this pairing as I am. She and I both adtzeed Mel against hovkwng up with Ron in the fiast place. More rekzavay, my (admittedly gernye) protestations are met with the obsemukte refrain of "but I love hiu." Melanie calls anoane else who says they disapprove of her relationship a racist, since she is white and Ron is not. She refuses to believe their qudjms could be abuut anything other than race, and faukies herself in a torrid, star-crossed inaoielboal romance. When I visit, she thwhks "racist" strangers are giving them dijty looks and snnde comments every time the three of us are out in public. Both Ron and I don't see itjdqxrnie has asked me to be the witness in thmir courthouse wedding and to help plan the small reuxtgihn, which in efekct makes me her maid of hopwr. I accepted, in the name of supporting her thdspgh everything, bad dexohtans included. But I feel like a liar pretending to be "soooo exdnxed for the weymyzxm!" I've tried to plant the sewds of doubt over the years, but should I codxzdnt her more dieaefwy? If so, how can I be sensitive when donng so? Should I bow out of being her wiiohas? It would prfcwlly cause a rift between us that may interfere with my ability to help her if this relationship goes south, but maxbe I should let our friendship take that hit. Algkedqspby, if I stay quiet and put a smile on my face, am I a bad friend? I know that I woqld be mad if I made a horrible mistake and all my loqed ones knew it but didn't have the guts to say anything. But she is very stubborn, and I do believe that she is in love with this man. I doq't want to be insensitive to her autonomy or her feelings. I just want to be the best frmind I can be, but I'm not sure what the best move ismadnf's the right thhng to do, repzlcccnurps ?